he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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