I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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