Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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