I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Text me some of your sweat
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
