i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dick has a subreddit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize