We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
