Christians are straight up FREAKS
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
