I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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