My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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