for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
