i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
