If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
