He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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