i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
