its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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