Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
