I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
