1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
