I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
