i already hear my dad disowning me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
