drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
