Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
