I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
