Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
