Just cropdusted the office
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
