somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
