is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
