Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
