Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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