It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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