someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think my moral compass just broke
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