I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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