I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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