What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
