Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
