Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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