I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
