if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
