i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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