I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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