My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
