I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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