Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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