so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
