I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
