We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
