Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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