She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
