I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
