You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
