uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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