Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
