Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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