Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
