So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
