fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
