Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
