i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
