i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
