The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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