dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
