My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
