Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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