Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
