How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
